Change

What is it about change that makes me want to puke? As in literally, vomit. I have to admit a deathly secret. I am a creature of habit. I like having a schedule, knowing my plans, having a comfort zone...someone once remarked I may even be a control freak. I used to blame it on my star sign (there was a time I blamed everything on my star sign - until I realized there is no star sign without ME, hence I was the problem) but now I know it's just a habit.

So when I have to move, lose a friend, join a new class, anything new...my stomach does flips. I become so nervous it seems like the end of the world. The best thing is that I manage to hide this defect of mine (again, my star sign apparently does that) with a laugh and get through it. In my entire existence I have managed to get through these moments fine.

Now, there is a huge change about to happen. Growing up, moving into a new residence, losing some people in my life...it's making me want to camp next to a toilet bowl but I have too much self-respect to drown to that level.

Before I make this entry a long lament on y problems & fears, lemme just say that I believe the only constant thing we have in life is change. We can't run from it. I have recently started liking country music. It's a drastic change from my hardcore hip hop days. In fact the first day I listened to Lady Antebellum it scared me that I liked them so much. But now I'm comfortable with the fact that Eminem lies side by side with Faith Hill and Miranda Lambert in my playlist (though I'm sure he wouldn't be too happy about that - I LOVE YOU EMINEM!)

I'm starting to like Scrubs. This is a show I had no interest in when it started. At the time Grey's was my reason for existence. yet now I can't get enough of these characters. Imagine my shock when I found out it has up to a 9th season. i was surely missing out. I should've dumped Gossip Girl for Scrubs a long time ago. It would've saved me the trauma I went through when Blair broke up with Chuck.

And finally I am starting to realize that I can be alone. Without anyone to hug me or coddle me. Growing up? I don't know. Is growing up changing for the better? getting wiser? Then maybe I am. But if growing up means I will have to give up my Ben10 stuff, I never wanna grow up. Even if my stomach will always flip in new company...

Hey, love me or leave me. I am who I am.

Toodles.