Change

What is it about change that makes me want to puke? As in literally, vomit. I have to admit a deathly secret. I am a creature of habit. I like having a schedule, knowing my plans, having a comfort zone...someone once remarked I may even be a control freak. I used to blame it on my star sign (there was a time I blamed everything on my star sign - until I realized there is no star sign without ME, hence I was the problem) but now I know it's just a habit.

So when I have to move, lose a friend, join a new class, anything new...my stomach does flips. I become so nervous it seems like the end of the world. The best thing is that I manage to hide this defect of mine (again, my star sign apparently does that) with a laugh and get through it. In my entire existence I have managed to get through these moments fine.

Now, there is a huge change about to happen. Growing up, moving into a new residence, losing some people in my life...it's making me want to camp next to a toilet bowl but I have too much self-respect to drown to that level.

Before I make this entry a long lament on y problems & fears, lemme just say that I believe the only constant thing we have in life is change. We can't run from it. I have recently started liking country music. It's a drastic change from my hardcore hip hop days. In fact the first day I listened to Lady Antebellum it scared me that I liked them so much. But now I'm comfortable with the fact that Eminem lies side by side with Faith Hill and Miranda Lambert in my playlist (though I'm sure he wouldn't be too happy about that - I LOVE YOU EMINEM!)

I'm starting to like Scrubs. This is a show I had no interest in when it started. At the time Grey's was my reason for existence. yet now I can't get enough of these characters. Imagine my shock when I found out it has up to a 9th season. i was surely missing out. I should've dumped Gossip Girl for Scrubs a long time ago. It would've saved me the trauma I went through when Blair broke up with Chuck.

And finally I am starting to realize that I can be alone. Without anyone to hug me or coddle me. Growing up? I don't know. Is growing up changing for the better? getting wiser? Then maybe I am. But if growing up means I will have to give up my Ben10 stuff, I never wanna grow up. Even if my stomach will always flip in new company...

Hey, love me or leave me. I am who I am.

Toodles.

relationships

I have recently read Tom Spaulding's book "It's Not Just Who You Know" and it got me thinking about my relationships and what I do to maintain them. It hit me that I treated my relationships like air, necessary but not really manageable. I mean, either they were there or they weren't. My way of thinking was I'm not gonna force anyone to like me, so even if I don't talk to you for a month, when we meet again I will not win you over coz you already know me. 

So after the book I was determined to dig up my dead relationships and re-establish my current ones. I finally decided to let go of old grudges and try to put my pride on the side. Believe me, the pride thing was not easy. Anyone who knows me knows I have a whole lot of pride. I texted my ex and tried to salvage our dead relationship. That is still in the works but at least I have decided to stop holding on to my personal hostility. I called up old friends, apologized for being unavailable and I feel really good about mysefl right about now.

Now, just when things were getting simpler, things got complicated. I have two male friends in my life. One is totally new, one is a very old friend. He's been around for as long as I have known what friendship is, we've been through tough times and good times. I've seen him cry and he's seen me cry. It's that deep. I love him. Yet...I don't love him? You get what I mean? My new friend is totally cool. He makes me laugh, I make him laugh. I really like him, yet I don't really like like him...Get what I mean?

Some people say there is no such thing as friendship between a girl and a boy, and at some point in my life I sort of agreed, yet after reading this book I'm starting to disagree. It doesn't have to be "friendship" in the traditional sense, yet it can still be a relationship. The type where you call another person to share a joke, have someone on top of the list of your movie companions, share playlists, discuss the finer points of Supernatural...that's not exactly a friendship. Noone is sharing deep secrets, noone is expecting the other to drop their lives for the other. Yet it's still a deep honest relationship.

What I have figured is I don't have to classify all my relationships, but I do have to collect as many as I can. Because you never know who is going to be there when you need someone to watch Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows with, or when you need the installer for Picassa. Because life is short...might as well be happy with your current relationships than trying to analyze everything to the last detail.

Oh, speaking of which, I have House season 7 episodes. I am a very lucky girl. And Supernatural (yayy!!!). When I get the time I will curl up in bed and watch them all in a go. Oh yeah, and Fringe season 3, aaannnnnddd Taylor Swift's Speak Now & Rihanna's Loud (love 'em)...They're all from a friend. I sure picked the right time to manage my relationships...:)

Hmmmm...

I wonder why I've started writing in here. Granted, it's sporadic, without a theme and maybe even a little bit stupid...but why do I seem to like it?

First of all, I like writing. And writing about myself and my interest satisfies that little narcissistic side of me. We all have that side. And it seems like I have so many things to say to the world that Twitter, Facebook, MySpace just aren't enough. I want to mark my spot on as many virtual surfaces as I can.

I don't expect to be famous. Inwardly, I think "wouldn't that be nice?", but hey, lemme be realistic. I'm not that interesting. very interesting to sit and talk to, but maybe not enough to move the world. anyways, i like this new hobby of mine. Maybe one person out there will read it. Maybe noone will. Maybe it'll turn out to be my lifelong hobby. Maybe it won't. Maybe I'll improve my graphics. Maybe I won't.

Regardless, it feels good to be writing in here. I'm now a statistic. And it feels...all right.  

Transition

I just browsed through other people's blogs and I've realized that mine is laaaaammme. Not the content (oh, never the content), just the overall design. Funny thing is, I'm taking Computer Engineering in uni and I don't even want to bother to find out how to improve this thing. Why, you ask? Why study a field that you're obviously not active in??

Well, where to start? I love computers, don't get me wrong. But the time it will take for one page to load as I add pics and flashy transitions will be a millenium. Oh, yes, I;m exaggerating. But sometimes the internet feels that slow. While other people are considering whether or not to buy Internet TVs, in my country, watching a clip in YouTube is a problem. 

But hey, I digress. The main point of me writing this entry is because yesterday I was watching Ghajini. This Indian movie starring Aamir Khan. Those who know me, know that I'm a sucker for Indian movies. The sappy romantic kind. Not Bollywood 2.0, trying to be Hollywood when they're fine just the way they are (although I'm not complaining about the improved sound effects). 

So, Ghajini is all about this one guy who suffers from a rare form of amnesia that causes the person to forget everything after 15 minutes. yet he's still out for revenge. Some guy killed his girlfriend  blah blah blah...what I loved most about this movie wasn't the action or the romance. It was Aamir's body. I mean, damn. What is it about Indian superstars and looking better as they age? In this generation, the 40-somethings are the hottest. There has to be something wrong with that.

Bollywood is really trying to be original, and I applaud them for that. I was getting sick of seeing remakes so now I only watch the movies that made lots of money in the boxoffice. There was a time I wasn't choosy, but there came a time when I watched a Hollywood movie, then watched its Indian version, then its Nigerian version and finally its Tanzanian version. And it hit me. Wait a minute. I might die in 2012, so why am I wasting time doing the same thing over and over again?

I hope Guzaarish will not be some Hollywood movie's shadow. Guzaarish is this Indian movie I'm looking forward to watching coz it has the god of All Beings Handsome and Unreal, Hrithik Roshan. Obviously he won't be super buff or anything (he'll be playing a paraplegic) but he'll still be in it. Aishwarya Rai is also going to be in it. And the story seems nice...I'm willing to pay my money to actually go and see it. 

if you're wondering how my search for the perfect series is going, its at a standstill. Why? Because Indians are back in my life, and for the moment, they're giving me everything I need.

So till next time, tata...